It was getting late. Chen Huan was still waiting for his client in the consulting room. He drank his coffee and thought of the first time the man came to him.
The brown-haired young man sat on the single sofa across from him with his head lowered, his bangs covering his reddened eyes, and whispered intermittently, “As soon as I close my eyes, the scene of Dad’s last moments would appear before my eyes. He took my hand and then dropped it weakly. His eyes were open and he kept looking at me as if he still had a lot to say, as if he wanted to see me and my mother again, as if there was so much he was reluctant to part with…”
“Dr. Chen, I quarreled with him that day. I thought he was annoying, but he always looked after me… He can’t look after me now… I’m such a jerk… He’s gone and I don’t know what to do…”
“I failed to take good care of my mother. She locked herself in her room and let no one in. When I kicked the door open, I found out she had taken sleeping pills… She was rescued, but suffered a mental breakdown. She forgot about Dad’s death. She always tells me Dad is on a business trip and will be back in a few days…”
“What should I do? How can I go back to the way things used to be? They all told me to be strong, to be calm, but I don’t know how to be strong or calm. I have no one I can tell these things… I’m going crazy…” He covered his eyes with his hands, but the tears kept rolling down.
Back then, Chen Huan didn’t know the identity of the sad, guilty, helpless and vulnerable young man in front of him. He sympathized with this grown-up boy, who was devastated by the incident. As a psychiatrist, he continued to gently comfort and explain, helping him rebuild his self-confidence and regain his faith in life.
The day after the man showed up, two men came to his office and placed a contract in front of him. Someone was willing to inject capital to expand the scale of his clinic, but they put forward the condition that he disclose the circumstances of the patient he received the previous day. Chen Huan refused. He felt that protecting the privacy of his clients was more important. Unexpectedly, the other party still signed the contract with him.
Only then did he learn that the person who signed with him was from that famous financial group, and that the patient he had treated before was actually Chu Yunhan, the eldest son of the head of that group. Since then, he became the chief psychologist of Golden Eagle Group, providing psychological counselling and treatment for the members of the Black Hawk Club. He signed a confidentiality agreement, stating that no matter what he learned from these people, he would not disclose any information or talk to a third party. In addition, there was one more thing he promised …
There was a knock on the door, and the receptionist led the scheduled client into the consulting room.
“Please have a seat,” Chen Huan gestured. “Mr. Zhou Han, long time no see.”
Zhou Han was Chu Yunhan’s pseudonym made up of his mother’s last name and his own name. He felt he was about to break down and needed to find someone to talk to. Because of his identity he couldn’t discuss family affairs with other people, so he chose a small private psychological clinic and used a pseudonym.
Tacitly complying with Chu Yunhan’s false identity, treating him as an ordinary patient, and allowing him to talk to him freely was the other thing Chen Huan promised. Chen Huan didn’t know why the dignified eldest young master of the Chu family condescended to come to his small clinic. But he could understand why the other party signed a contract with him. In the course of the treatment he gradually gained Chu Yunhan’s trust, and the Golden Eagle could not ignore the fact that this little doctor learned the secrets of the family. In order to protect their young master and keep the control over the information he acquired they signed a contract with him. As for the additional condition, its purpose was to give this Eldest Young Master Chu a place to relieve his emotions anonymously. This request did not violate his medical ethics, so he agreed. He tried his best to support Chu Yunhan through that difficult and painful time and help him find a way out of his collapsed world.
“In this world, not everyone can face life and death bravely. If you can’t bear it, try to escape first. It’s not shameful to be vulnerable. You must first admit your vulnerability, accept your true self, and then learn to be strong bit by bit.”
Chen Huan suggested that Chu Yunhan temporarily leave the mansion where he used to live with his parents, relax, exercise, and divert his attention with something interesting. He originally wanted to help him rebuild his confidence and guide him slowly, but Chu Yunhan suddenly stopped coming and only paid him three times the consultation fee.
Later, he heard that Eldest Young Master Chu frequented bars, indulging in alcohol and women. Chen Huan felt sorry for him, because he knew very well that Chu Yunhan had a wound in his heart. No matter how licentious and unruly he appeared on the surface, there was this sensitive and sad young man hidden deep inside.
He thought there would be no further encounter between them, and didn’t expect the other would appear again.
After a long absence, Chu Yunhan had matured. The slender figure dressed in a gray checkered suit looked tall and straight, but lacklustre and somewhat depressed, like most people who came here.
Chen Huan put a cup of jasmine tea on the small side table next to him, smiled, and said, “You came to see me. Have you not been feeling well recently?”
Chu Yunhan frowned slightly, and a very embarrassed expression appeared on his face. He hesitated again and again, before saying, “Doctor Chen, among your patients is there anything like that…well, that’s… a psycholigical barrier when having sex?”
Chen Huan was slightly startled and replied, “Yes.”
“Then, were they cured later?” he asked very directly.
“Some could be cured through psychological counseling, as for others treatment has not shown results.” The doctor looked at him and asked, “Did you come to see me today because you’ve encountered difficulties in this regard?”
Chu Yunhan pursed his lips, looked away, stared at the cup of scented tea, and said softly, “Yes.”
“Can you describe the specific situation for me?”
“I…” He was extremely embarrassed, his face flushed. “When I was doing it with a woman, I always felt that it wasn’t intense enough, and… I couldn’t orgasm.”
Chen Huan took notice of his choice of words and asked, “Then, have you tried doing it with a man?”
He answered frankly, “I have.”
“How did it go?”
“Not so good either.”
“What does this ‘not so good’ mean?” Men and women had different ways of making love, and what excited them was different too, so he had to ask.
Chu Yunhan’s face turned even redder. “Doing it with a man… can make me more interested, but every time it comes to orgasm, there will be a psychological barrier, and I cannot help but hold back.”
The doctor pondered for a while and said, “Why do you think this is a kind of ‘psychological barrier’ and not something physical? In other words, how did the urge to hold back appear? Did it appear naturally, or did someone impose this barrier on you while having sexual intercourse?”
The man pressed his lips tightly and remained silent.
“If you don’t want to say…”
“I… was forced to play some BDSM games before.” After saying this, he seemed frustrated and leaned back on the sofa with a hand on his forehead.
Chen Huan had studied sadomasochism. Hearing his answer, he more or less grasped the situation and said slowly, “If my guess isn’t wrong, the person who forced you should be a man, right?”
Chu Yunhan nodded with embarrassment.
“Compared to ordinary sex, BDSM is more intense and dangerous. A certain degree of restraint, humiliation, and pain will stimulate the secretion of endorphin, making one experience pleasure as intense as flying to heaven. And this kind of extreme pleasure is addictive. It’s like drinking a cup of hot cocoa, so when you drink water it will feel bland and tasteless.”
“How can I get rid of this…addiction?”
“I think it’s a bit exaggerated to talk about ‘getting rid’ of it.” Chen Huan smiled. “You’d rather drink hot cocoa than water, so drink it right. If both parties cooperate, BDSM is just a kind of inclination. Just like in ordinary sex when some men have sex with women, they would call the woman “daddy”. This address can bring about a sense of indecency, which makes them more excited. BDSM strengthens the concept of domination and obedience by using the identities of master and slave, thereby amplifying the stimulation.” He paused. “The same goes for whipping and binding. Too painful whipping and too uncomfortable binding will make the desire subside, so the dom must control the degree to keep the pain and discomfort of the sub within the range that can stimulate desire. These are means to catalyze desire and the reason is the same as having a drink before making love. If you feel that you can get the pleasure you want in this way, you can go ahead and try it out. Within a safe range, try to use some small tricks to make sex more interesting and exciting. Just pay attention to the frequency, so as not to over-stimulate and suffer physical harm. For example, you can drink hot cocoa once a week and water – the rest of the time.”
Chu Yunhan was stunned for a while, his expression distressed. “But…I can’t shoot…”
“I am more concerned about this.” The doctor thought for a while and inquired, “Can I ask for some specific details about your previous experience in BDSM?”
He hesitated and nodded.
“You were the one being controlled, right?”
“The other person… I mean the party playing this game with you, was it one person or several people?”
“Did he force you to do it? Without your consent?”
Chen Huan was surprised. He knew Chu Yunhan’s identity. Unexpectedly, a heavily guarded proud son of heaven like him could be forced to become another man’s sub in BDSM. Who could the other party be?
However, this was a private matter outside the scope of his involvement. He still maintained a calm look and continued asking, “In what way did he control your ejaculation when he was doing it with you? Did he use props or something else?”
Chu Yunhan blushed like an apple, looked down at the tea cup in his hand, and replied, “Sometimes he used props, and sometimes he blocked it with his hand.”
“Under what circumstances did he allow you to shoot?”
“He…after he was satisfied.”
“Was there any special way? I mean, how did he indicate that you can shoot?”
“…He would say ‘you can shoot’.”
“If he didn’t give this instruction, it meant you couldn’t shoot, otherwise you would be punished, right?”
He gave out a low “um”.
“That’s it.” Doctor Chen, who found the crux of the problem, smiled. “Next time you can try this – find a dom to have exciting BDSM sex with and tell him in advance to give you this instruction when you want to orgasm. I believe your problem will be solved.”
Chu Yunhan sat on the sofa in a daze. Only after a long while did he recover from these words and said, “Do I… have to do this in the future…”
“When your body gets used to other people, the influence that person has on you will gradually decrease.”
“But I’m not gay…” he said anxiously.
“If you can get pleasure from inserting, of course you can also choose a female dom. It doesn’t matter whether it is gay or not, male or female, it’s just a different form of relieving desire. To each their own.” Chen Huan laughed. “However, under circumstances, the pleasure of prostate stimulation can be stronger than the pleasure of penis stimulation.” He rummaged through a drawer for a while, took out a card, and handed it to Chu Yunhan, “This is from a previous guest of mine. He is in the BDSM circle. He knew that I was interested in studying sadomasochistic psychology, so he gave me this. It seems to be an invitation card for their club. This circle is most secretive. If you are interested, you can check it out. There should be some good doms in that circle.”