“You didn’t owe me anything.”

“You didn’t owe me anything.”

“You didn’t owe me anything.”

…

This was the sentence Xiao Rong thought of the most when Qu Yunmie was unconscious.

He needed to use this sentence to persuade himself, so that he wouldn’t resent Qu Yunmie. The near-death experience was like a hammer, smashing him until he saw stars, but also knocking him into sudden clarity. Some forgotten things came rushing back to him — just like in those artsy films, where the protagonist loses their memory, then bumps their head again and suddenly remembers everything.

After waking up from that warm illusion, he remembered why he had come here. He also remembered that not only had Qu Yunmie made him a promise, he had also made promises to others. He had kept staring at Qu Yunmie, who had made a mistake, but he hadn’t realized the one who had truly made a mistake was himself.

For two days, he didn’t do anything — he just quietly watched Qu Yunmie and thought. Thought about what exactly he had been doing and what he should do next.

…

Qu Yunmie looked extremely agitated, which wasn’t good, because his serious injuries hadn’t healed yet. He had just woken up, and even though he had rested for an afternoon, he was still very weak. Xiao Rong really shouldn’t have confronted him at this moment — he should say some comforting words and urge him to rest properly.

Xiao Rong didn’t, because he felt this was the best moment. After being struck hard, he had awakened. So Qu Yunmie should also go through the same. Even though Qu Yunmie’s look of disbelief stung a bit, another thought passed through Xiao Rong’s mind. 

‘I wasn’t wrong either.’

*

After asking that question, Qu Yunmie stayed silent for a long time because he was scrutinizing Xiao Rong’s expression. In the end, it was him who had made Xiao Rong worry. No matter how stubbornly he insisted on his perspective, he always felt deeply indebted to Xiao Rong.

He wanted to know if Xiao Rong was serious — wanted to know what his words meant. Did he say them to hurt him? To get revenge? Or… did he truly mean it?

Xiao Rong didn’t meet his eyes. He avoided his gaze. That gave Qu Yunmie a sudden sense of false hope.

In a low voice, Qu Yunmie said, “That kind of lie, even if it comes from your mouth, has no credibility whatsoever. Do you think just because I’ve only just woken up and my mind isn’t clear, I’d be fooled by you?”

Xiao Rong frowned slightly. “I didn’t lie to you. Why would I lie about something like this?”

Qu Yunmie’s fingers curled slightly beside him. He tried hard to maintain his calm demeanor. Just like the Old Woman  — he didn’t want his own temperament to worsen the situation again.

Qu Yunmie stared at him. Suddenly, he said, “Is this your usual way of not wanting to owe people? You don’t want to owe me a favor, so you don’t want me to owe you one either. But Xiao Rong—”

Before he could finish, he saw Xiao Rong shake his head.

Qu Yunmie paused in surprise, then heard Xiao Rong calmly explain. “It’s true I don’t like owing people favors, but you never owed me anything. From the beginning, it was me who came to find you. I pledged loyalty to you. You were the King of the Northern Army. I was your advisor and your subordinate. It is only right that I do things for you. You never have to feel guilty about me. As your subordinate, it is my duty to handle everything for you. Unfortunately, this time, even if it were me, I still wouldn’t have found a good solution. The result, though tragic, is already a blessing in disguise. My Lord, you should come to terms with it.”

Qu Yunmie laughed bitterly in anger. “Come to terms with it?”

He repeated Xiao Rong’s words like a child. He acted like a child mimicking adults, not because he understood, but because he found it amusing.

Qu Yunmie repeated Xiao Rong’s words because he didn’t understand — and he found no amusement in them. He only felt that Xiao Rong’s words were sharper than a cold arrow shot from the shadows. The cold arrow hurt him physically. Xiao Rong’s words made his whole bloodstream feel frozen.

Some wounds on his body seemed to reopen. Every soft part of his body rubbed against the stiff fabric. The raw red flesh underneath felt like another bloody mouth, screaming in pain — but Qu Yunmie ignored it.

He just repeated Xiao Rong’s words again. “Come to terms with it? So you came all the way here just to get me to come to terms with it? Xiao Rong, maybe you don’t know this — I already came to terms with it. The Xianbei people insulted my parents, so I had to fight them. I knew it was a trap, but I still went. I fell into the ambush because I wasn’t careful enough, not because I did something wrong. So you see, I’m very clear-headed. What about you? Have you come to terms with it?”

Xiao Rong looked up. Qu Yunmie stared at him provocatively, but only he knew how hollow he felt. He hadn’t come to argue or make Xiao Rong angrier, but now, he desperately hoped Xiao Rong would shout at him, argue, show some emotion — some concern or worry, even a little would do.

Just not disappointment. Just not cold reason. He couldn’t take it.

Qu Yunmie’s plea was simple and direct — it was written all over his face. Xiao Rong looked at his pale face and trembling eyelids — unsteady from unstable emotions — and after a moment of thought, said, “I… I really haven’t come to terms with it.”

Qu Yunmie’s expression changed slightly, just as Xiao Rong continued, “I thought this war would go smoothly. I underestimated the enemy’s cruelty and your importance to this world. I stayed in Chenliu too long, got too comfortable — forgot how dangerous the outside world was. I won’t let that happen again. I’m planning to hand over Chenliu to Song Shuo. From now on, I’ll stay by your side. If anything like this happens again, I’ll still do my best. As for whether you can keep your promises, I won’t force it anymore.”

If this had been in the past, hearing that Xiao Rong wanted to stay by his side would have made Qu Yunmie so happy he couldn’t sleep. Today, hearing it made the muscles in his face tense.

His jaw moved slightly, as if trying to hold something back.

The next moment, he shouted — blood almost dripping from his voice.

“XIAO… RONG!!”

The roar startled Zhang Biezhi who was standing just outside the tent so much that he dropped his chopsticks. He scrambled to catch them like a street performer.

Jian Qiao: “…”

He whispered harshly, “Stop messing around! If His Majesty finds out, you’re done for!”

Zhang Biezhi protested, “I didn’t mean to…”

Yu Shaoxie said, “I meant to ask — why are you holding chopsticks standing here?”

Yu Shaocheng yawned while leaning against him. “More than that, I want to know why we’re even standing here. Other than that roar, I haven’t heard a thing.”

Just as Yu Shaoxie was about to answer, Gao Xunzhi, eavesdropping up front, snapped, “If anyone talks again, get the hell out!”

Everyone: “…”

They all fell silent. No matter how much they joked around, not even the most reluctant one — Yu Shaocheng — wanted to leave. They still needed a conclusion.

*

Inside the tent, Qu Yunmie stood again — this time in the center, not leaning on the canvas.

Xiao Rong looked up at him as he raged. “I know I fell into a trap, almost died at the hands of the Xianbei, and nearly broke my promise to you. I understand why you’re angry, but can’t you think about my situation? I had no choice! If I could, I wouldn’t have gone back on my word. They — they stole my parents’ remains! What do you expect me to do? Just watch, endure it, and let them hang my mother’s bones out in the open?!”

Qu Yunmie’s face had regained some color, but he looked worse than ever — drenched in sweat, suffering. He didn’t tell Xiao Rong how uncomfortable he was.

Xiao Rong watched a drop of cold sweat slide from Qu Yunmie’s brow to his tear trough — it looked like a tear.

Qu Yunmie didn’t cry. He was the kind of man who shed blood, not tears. Panic, shame, anxiety — he vented them all through rage. Yet for him to look this furious — Xiao Rong must have pushed him hard.

Anyone eavesdropping outside would’ve been scared stiff, but Xiao Rong was still composed enough to observe him — and then slowly stood up too.

Instead of answering Qu Yunmie’s question, he asked a different one. “You’ve been awake a while now. Have you asked anyone what’s happened recently?”

Qu Yunmie froze. No, he hadn’t. From the moment Xiao Rong left his control, all he thought about was how to provoke him. He hadn’t asked anything.

Xiao Rong smiled slightly — as if to say, See? I knew it.

Qu Yunmie’s expression stiffened further. He realized from the moment Xiao Rong asked that question, he had already lost.

Xiao Rong softly asked, “Qu Yunmie, why are you always so self-righteous?”

The muscles in Qu Yunmie’s neck twitched violently.

Xiao Rong took a deep breath before looking at him again. “Have you thought about something? It’s been less than five days since you were injured. To be exact, four and a half. How do you think I got here so fast?”

Qu Yunmie was stunned. His confused look said it all. Xiao Rong continued, “Look at me. Don’t you notice anything different about me?”

Qu Yunmie’s eyes drilled into him like daggers — anyone else might have thought he was about to kill him. Those who knew him would recognize: he was panicking.

After a brief silence, Xiao Rong finally said, “You want me to think about you — and I did. I sat by your side for two whole days thinking. The only reason you’re still alive is because I had already thought about it in advance. Now it’s my turn to ask you — have you thought about me?”

“Avenging your parents and retrieving your mother’s remains — in your eyes, I’m that selfish? That I’d get angry over that? The world misunderstands both of us, but I thought at least you understood me. Do you really not know why I’m angry?”

Qu Yunmie’s mind was a mess. He remembered Xiao Rong saying he’d been there for two days — and it was like cymbals crashing in his head. Then Xiao Rong asked him this — and it took him a long time to respond, “…because I fell into the enemy’s trap?”

Xiao Rong wasn’t surprised, but he still laughed.

Qu Yunmie looked at him, anxious. The five eavesdroppers outside gripped their clothes nervously.

Xiao Rong said, “I know what kind of person you are, but it seems like you don’t know me. Even I don’t think that highly of myself. Humans make mistakes. This wasn’t even your fault — the enemy was too despicable. What I can’t accept is — you promised me. You knew it was a trap. Then why… why?! Why did you still leave the army?!”

Three “why”s struck Qu Yunmie speechless.

 

Edited by: Antiope

 

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